My First Missed Connection

This weekend at dinner with friends I was the big ol' 5th wheel. Two butches, two femmes, and well, me. Like many people, especially in this city, my gender is more complicated on the inside than it may seem on the outside, but as with most things I tend to qualify as kind of a: yes, please, some of each and all of those, and..and..., mixed up, not easily boxable weird amalgam of genders. Think of a mermaid-cat with a curly French villain mustache and a dapper hat and you're close. So. Anway.

One of the femmes was Irene, who was proclaimed to have "porn-star hair" that night. It's fun watching her dimple dance while she blushes.
At one point during the meal the other femme turns to me and tells me she was perusing Craig's List Missed Connections at work and found an ad for a Miss Sadie that mentioned a play party and a scene with a submissive and I should check it out. I love this weird little world, where an in-person dinner conversation can lead you to your online CL stalker. We go both forwards and backwards and in swirling loops these days.

So at home I looked up my name under Missed Connections for the first time in some months, and, sure enough, pop comes an ad that really must have been written for me. It references a BDSM party at which I had a fantastic time last fall as well as some hints that were obscure enough that it took me another full day to remember who this person was. The timing also added another layer to the host of strange and unexpected messages coming at me from the past this last great weird weekend. We have since corresponded and I am very flattered.

But that's not the point. The point is, that after oh, say thirteen years of scouring missed connections, from the small print in the back of the Baltimore City Paper to the occasional traipse through Craig's List, fantasizing that there is someone out there, someone whose sticky mind is stuck on me, someone intrigued and interested and compelled enough to toss that message in a bottle out in the hopes that by slim chance or fate it'll end up on my shore....that one of many simple adolescent fantasies has actually come true. Oh happy day.
I'm quite pleased.

Maybe that means this will also be the year I *finally* get fucked in a graveyard. How many fucking goth clubs does it take to make that happen? Apparently more than I've gone to and sadly I stopped going. Years ago. Except when I travel of course, for some reason gay bars and goth clubs are both still interesting and more fun when in a different town. I always feel a little bit like a colonialist, turn-of-the-century anthropologist when I'm traveling and venturing to these exotic venues; one of the kinds of anthropologists that believed in order to fully
understand and document foreign cultures it is necessary to lay them or be laid by them. Not that that necessarily works, but hey, can't blame a scientist for attempting thorough research.

But back to Missed Connections. While I am super excited that it *finally happened to me* ( I feel a little like a middle schooler with her first menses, thrilled and just slightly disappointed) let it be known to future wives and courtiers that this does not mean that appealing to me through MC is now irrelevant or no longer necessary. There are still many points to be gained there, and this is for sure a good birthday/special occasion aide. Frankly, with all the people I've dated in the past and told about my dream of having my connection missed, I'm pretty surprised none of them picked up on that hot tip and got themselves tons of free, easily attainable credit and appreciation. Though if you are thinking about acting on this, remember: I don't check super often these days, so be vigilant.

Of course, there's always W4W....

Why I Want a Wife

Today I revealed the existence of this little thought-trap to my friend and "Grouper" (so called because for 4 years I have been his official, #1 groupie), cartoonist Tim Kreider. He is the surprisingly normal looking (actually, cute) man behind the brilliantly fucked-up comic The Pain-When Will It End?, though you would never guess based on his self portraits. He has never been married, but we share many vulnerabilities when it comes to the ladies.

Tim Kreider immediately suggested I seek out an essay entitled "Why I Want a Wife", which was written in 1971 by Judy Syfers Brady and originally published in Ms. magazine. The piece is a political statement on gender relations and the "invisible" work of women of that era. Upon reading all of the duties that many wives were expected to perform clearly laid out, my first reaction was something along the lines of :
"Well shit, I could never do all of that. Clearly that is too much work (not to mention no appreciation) for one person. What I *really* want is a wife, maybe a girl/boyfriend, and a diligent submissive!"

Though seriously, it has been on my mind for awhile that life just seems easier, more manageable, and a hell of a lot more fun, when it is worked with a dedicated team. Feats of endurance that normally make my head explode such as dealing with bureaucrazy, trudging through illness, or wandering, zombified in big box stores become little games, jocular missions, or at very least an ordeal where the burden is shared. The strength and ability and helpfulness of people working in cooperation to live lives and navigate the maze of the world, full of joys and obstacles, often seems exponential as opposed to additional. I think of it as a big project. I want a wife who chooses, as a peer, colleague, and coadjutant, to create this project of our lives together.

And hopefully the submissive will be a great at cleaning my room, because that's a skill I've never gotten the hang of.

An Idea About a Gallery

I had an idea about figuring out how to rig this thing with a gallery of sorts named "Could You Love This Person?" or perhaps "Could You Love (and OBEY!) This Person?", for the submissive matrimony traditionalists out there. The gallery would primarily consist of pictures of me with things on my head; mostly they would be specimens from my extensive hat collection (with a special feature for all my cat hats), but also possibly other beloved objects such as a teapot or a giant stuffed octopus. Surely, that will draw the ladies in droves. Droves!